My Ring of Keys (Based on Green Eggs and Ham; thanks to Dr. Seuss, no thanks to Sarah Palin)

My ring of keys!

My ring of keys!

I cannot find

My ring of keys.

Hello, Hello, says Mr. Cheese.

I cannot find them Mr. Cheese,

I cannot find my ring of keys.

Did you leave them here or there?

I cannot find them here or there

I cannot find them anywhere

I cannot find my ring of keys

I cannot find them, Mr. Cheese.

Did you leave them in the house?

Did you leave them by the mouse?

I cannot find them in the house.

I cannot find them by the mouse.

I cannot find them here or there.

I cannot find them anywhere.

I cannot find my ring of keys

I cannot find them, Mr. Cheese.

Did you leave them in a box?

Did you leave them in the locks?

Not in a box

Not in the locks

Not in the house

Not by the mouse

I cannot find them here or there

I cannot find them anywhere

I cannot find my ring of keys

I cannot find them, Mr. Cheese.

Did you leave them in the car?

Surely that is where they are?

I did not leave them in the car

You may find them after all

You may find them in the hall!

I cannot find them in the hall

Not in the car. Not at all!

I cannot find them in a box

I cannot find them in the locks

I cannot find them in the house

I cannot find them by the mouse

I cannot find them here or there

I cannot find them anywhere

I cannot find my ring of keys

I cannot find them, Mr. Cheese.

The train! The train!

The Metrotrain.

Did you leave them on the train?

Not on the train! Not in the hall!

Not in the car! That’s not all:

I cannot find them in a box

I did not leave them in the locks

I did not leave them by my mouse

I cannot find them in the house

I cannot find them here or there

I cannot find them anywhere!

I cannot find my ring of keys

I cannot find them, Mr. Cheese.

Say! In the dark? Here in the dark!

Did you drop them in the dark?

I could not find them in the dark

Did you lose them in the rain?

I did not lose them in the rain

Not in the dark, not on a train

Not in the car, not in the hall

I cannot find them, not at all.

Not in the house. Not in a box.

Not by the mouse. Not in the locks.

I cannot find them here or there.

I cannot find them anywhere!

You cannot find your ring of keys?

I cannot find them, Mr. Cheese.

Did you leave them on a boat?

I did not leave them on a boat!

Did you leave them in your coat?

I cannot find them in my coat

I cannot find them on a boat

I cannot find them in the rain

I cannot find them on the train

Not in the dark! Not in the hall!

Not in the car! Not at all!

I cannot find them in a box.

I cannot find them in the locks.

I cannot find them in the house.

I cannot find them by the mouse.

I cannot find them here or there.

I cannot find them ANYWHERE!

I cannot find my ring of keys.

I cannot find them, Mr. Cheese.

You cannot find them,

So you say.

Try it! Try it! And you may

Try it, pretty please.

Since you asked me, pretty please

I will try it, Mr. Cheese.

Say! I found my ring of keys!

In my bag of groceries!

And I can put them in my coat.

And I can go out in a boat.

And I can go out in the rain

And in the dark. And on a train.

And in a car. And through the hall.

And say, let’s go out to the mall.

So I won’t leave them in a box.

And I won’t leave them in the locks.

And I won’t leave them in the house.

And I won’t leave them by my mouse.

I will take them here and there.

I will go out anywhere!

I am so glad I found my keys.

Thank you, thank you, Mr. Cheese.

The end (until the next time).

P.S. I could not find my keys when I started this parody. I found them in the course of writing it. 

In my wife’s coat.